Let’s face it! We make mistakes because it’s a part of our human existence. However, the aftermath of making a mistake can be distressing and results in self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy. Some people can’t handle mistakes and they may beat themselves, call themselves names, and even feel they don’t deserve happiness.
So, if you are struggling with self-hatred after making a mistake, you are not alone. There might be many reasons behind this self-hatred. In this article, we’ll shed light on all those reasons and give you practical strategies to counter them. Let’s get right into it.
Why Do I Hate Myself After Making A Mistake?
It’s because of your low self-esteem that arises from many reasons like negative self-talk and fear of judgment. You might set unrealistic expectations from others and get a setback that puts you in the self-hatred zone. It can also happen when you seek perfectionism in yourself.
- Unrealistic Expectations
One of the most common reasons for hating yourself after making a mistake is holding yourself to impossibly high standards. And when you come short of achieving your goals, you are most likely to beat yourself up, which shatters your self-esteem.
In this situation, you feel like a failure and start thinking your life is damaged or broken. It clouds your judgment of reality, and you start cursing yourself for not being up to the mark. So, if you expect yourself to be perfect all the time, you’re setting yourself up for failure, which causes self-hatred.
- Fear of Judgment
What would people think of me after this mistake? You must have asked this question at some point in your life. The fear of being criticized by others leads to self-hatred after an error. You assume that people view you negatively and might behave harshly toward you, which leads to self-hatred.
However, you must know that others’ opinions about you don’t determine your worth as an individual. You must not seek approval of your self-worth from others. It sets you up for self-hatred after making a mistake.
- Striving for Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a mindset that leads to self-criticism and self-hatred when a mistake occurs. If you strive for perfectionism, you are more likely to hate yourself after an error. So, it’s essential to recognize that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
Perfectionism is not an attainable goal, and you can release the burden of self-blame by embracing the learning attitude. Your one mistake must not define your self-worth, and you should recognize the concept of learning from mistakes.
- Negative Self Talk
The way you talk to yourself greatly influences your self-perception. So, when you speak negatively, you are most likely to hate yourself after making a mistake; if your inner voice tells you that you are stupid, worthless, or a failure, you start hating yourself.
So, controlling your inner voice and setting up positive affirmations are necessary to avoid self-hatred; if you make a mistake, it’s okay because mistakes make you strong for the future if you learn from them.
- Lack of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is vital because it helps you let go of the negative emotions associated with the mistake. Lack of forgiveness towards yourself leads to self-hatred and feelings of worthlessness. So, if you fail to forgive yourself, it only prolongs self-hatred and doesn’t do you any good.
Therefore, if you make a mistake, learn from it, move forward, and develop a healthier self-image by forgiving yourself. It helps you ease the burden of self-blame, and you avoid self-hatred.
- Previous Trauma
Traumas amplify feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness. So, past traumatic experiences contribute to intense self-hatred after making a mistake. Trauma leads to low self-esteem and negative self-beliefs that make you hate yourself.
You consider yourself an idiot, which amplifies when you have a past traumatic experience. So, you can take the burden of self-blame off your shoulders by seeking professional help like therapy or counseling.
- Fear of Failure
If you fear failure, you will hate yourself more after making a mistake. Failure feels like a personal rejection, and it intensifies self-hatred after making a mistake. However, you must recognize that failure is a natural process toward success.
Now, let’s move toward how you can stop yourself from self-hatred after making a mistake. Use these practical strategies and apply them in your life to live peacefully.
Is It Toxic To Bring Up Past Mistakes?
It’s toxic to bring up past mistakes for belittling yourself or others. But if you intend to learn from the error and avoid it in the future, then you can do it. Bring it up constructively and focus on empathy, understanding, and growth rather than self-blaming and self-hatred.
If others try to bring up your past mistakes and they intend to belittle you, set up a boundary. Let them know that you won’t tolerate any attempt to disturb your peace of mind which takes you into self-hatred.
How Do I Stop Hating Myself After Making A Mistake?
You can learn from your mistakes and improve rather than self-blaming and self-hating. Stop falling into the vicious loop of negative thoughts that damage your self-esteem, and keep a growth mindset. Have clear and realistic expectations, and don’t seek perfectionism because it is humanly impossible.
- Think Of The Mistake As A Learning
Instead of dwelling on self-hatred, view your mistake as a chance to learn, grow and improve. Ask yourself these questions. What can I learn from this mistake? How can I avoid the same mistake in the future? It helps you clear your mind of the negative consequences of the mistake and focus on the positives.
- Acknowledge Your Mistake Openly
Don’t hide your mistakes or pretend it didn’t happen. By hiding it, you automatically put its effect on your shoulders. But if you acknowledge your mistake openly and honestly, you take away its power over you. Accepting your mistakes also helps you avoid them in the future and help in forgiving yourself.
- Have Conversations With Yourself
Talk to yourself positively and compassionately about your mistake rather than negative self-talk. Offer the same level of kindness to yourself as you would offer to a friend in need.
Remind yourself that everyone can make a mistake, and it’s not a great option to hate yourself. It will shift your perspective from negative energies towards the positive impact of errors on your life.
- Get Clear About Your Expectations
Are your expectations realistic and clear? If not, adjust your expectations and stop seeking perfectionism because it’s not attainable. If you stop being a perfectionist, you won’t hate yourself and feel like a failure after making a mistake. It also reduces self-blame and allows self-acceptance.
- Eliminate Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk shatters your self-esteem and presents you as a fool in front of yourself. You feel worthless and an idiot in your eyes, leading to self-hate. So, replacing your negative self-talk with positive and meaningful conversations with yourself is necessary.
Instead of thinking about the mistake’s impact, focus on the learnings and improve for the future.
- Stop Rewinding Your Mistake
Channelize your energy into other positive actions rather than dwelling on a single mistake and rewinding it in mind. It only eats your energy, and nothing good comes out of it. It makes things worse, and you hate yourself even more. Instead, focus on the present moment and keep moving forward.
- Forgive Yourself And Others
Forgiving is the stepping stone for healing. You must forgive yourself for making a mistake and forgive others who might have contributed to it. Let go of the resentment and blame, and understand that everyone makes mistakes.
But what matters is learning from your mistakes and avoiding them in the future. This way, you can prevent hating yourself after making a mistake.
Is Self-Hatred A Symptom Of Anxiety?
Yes, self-hatred is a symptom of anxiety because anxiety leads to excessive self-criticism and negative self-perception. Anxiety is the feeling of worry, nervousness, and fear; when you make a mistake, it feels like the end. So, it’s better to seek professional help if self-hatred affects your life.
Self-hatred can turn into extremes, and you may lose control of your perception of reality. You get anxious and blame yourself more than the actual impact of the mistake. So, we advise you to take professional help for a proper diagnosis and treatment.
Hating yourself after making a mistake is a common but unproductive response. You must know that you are not alone. Mistakes are inevitable, and everyone makes them at some point in life. But the critical point is to learn from those mistakes and take it as a learning rather than hating yourself. Remember, mistakes don’t define you; they provide learning and personal development opportunities.