Overthinking is a common issue many people suffer from, which damages relationships badly. When you constantly think negatively, it has implications for your thought process. You think the worst in every situation, creating problems for you and your loved ones.
Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher, has put it in a significant way. He says, “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.” Overthinking only causes more problems for you than finding solutions.
In relationships, reaching a conclusion about the other person without discussing it with him hampers your credibility. It is also possible that your overthinking habit twists things around you and ruins your relationships.
So, it’s essential to realize that overthinking is a menace to you, and you must stop overthinking from ruining your relationships.
Why Does Overthinking Ruin Your Relationships?
It’s because you always think the worst about others and create improbable situations. You lose a sense of reality and become irrational, which puts your partner or family under immense pressure. They find it hard to cope with your overthinking, and you lose them.
It acts as a slow poison for your relationships, bringing fear, doubts, and constant questioning into the equilibrium. You become suspicious, and overthinking takes away all the happiness from a healthy relationship. If you are panicking, worrying, and disturbing the environment at home, it puts your family in a vulnerable situation.
You become pessimistic while overthinking, making you suspicious about people around you. So, your imaginations run wild, and you might consider your partner a probable cheater. Usually, people don’t like you when you jump to conclusions by only making fake scenarios in your mind.
Moreover, you lose a sense of reality and have emotional outbursts about things you think about. If this process goes on, you will pick up fights deliberately because your thoughts are entirely manipulated by overthinking.
Overthinking makes you a selfish person who always thinks about what’s best for him. You lose the depth of your relationships, and your partner or family misses your charm. Overthinking creates more complications for yourself and your family than finding solutions.
You become paranoid about your relationship while overthinking. You don’t trust the people around you and always accuse them of something terrible. Gradually, this paranoia becomes a part of your normal behavior and leads to unnecessary conflicts.
That annoys your family because you are harming them, which could eventually result in them leaving you. All these factors about overthinking damage you internally and ruin your relationships. Now, let’s dive deep into these reasons.
You Always Think The Worst
One of the most famous French philosophers, Michel de Montaigne, has summed up this point brilliantly. He added, “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes; most of them never happened.”
Overthinking makes you a pessimist who finds flaws in every situation. You will never be thankful for anything and always think the worst about people and circumstances. You lose your sense of reality, hurting the people around you.
Slow Poison For Your Relationships
Overthinking gradually deteriorates your relationships due to fear, suspicion, and negative thinking. It acts as a slow poison and takes the love, happiness, and peace away from a relationship. Both parties feel stuck, and eventually, the connection gets ruined.
You Become Paranoid
Overthinkers often become preoccupied with negative thoughts and concerns, leaving little room for positive experiences and genuine connections. You make up scenarios in your mind that are far from reality. It leads to paranoia, where you start doubting your partner’s actions and intentions without proper evidence. It bothers your partner or family members, and your relationship has rough patches.
You Do Conclusions Too Early
You are overthinking leads to making false assumptions and jumping to conclusions without honest and open communication with the other member. When you don’t communicate properly and jump directly to findings, it creates more relationship issues. You constantly annoy others with your behavior, leading to dents in your relationship.
More Complications Than Solutions
Rather than finding solutions, and making you a better human, overthinking worsen the situation and causes more complications. Overthinkers start diving into the issues and think about their problems, looking for signs that don’t exist. It makes them unhappy and leads to even more significant relationship issues.
It Makes You Selfish
Overthinking makes you selfish, thinking more about yourself than others. You only think about what’s better for you and how the world should obey you instead of you making efforts. This behavior makes you a pessimist, and you start expecting from others without giving them anything in return.
So, overthinking ruins relationships and puts you in a vicious circle of sadness, anxiety, and depression. That’s why you must learn to stop overthinking and wasting your relationships. Let me give you some strategies to overcome this situation.
How To Stop Overthinking From Ruining Your Relationships?
Acknowledging the overthinking habit and lowering your expectations from others can help you stop ruining your relationships. Try to be optimistic about the people around you. Whenever a negative thought arises, immediately replace it with a positive one.
Awareness is the key to improvement, so when you become aware of your overthinking habit, you can improve yourself. Avoid setting unrealistic standards of expectations and try to think about others also. Focus on accepting others as they are, make efforts for them, and appreciate them.
If any fear or misunderstanding pops up, discuss it with your partner rather than jumping to conclusions. Try to appreciate yourself and your abilities, and stop being insecure about the people around you. Just know the golden principle: you can’t be friends with everyone, and many of your fears will disappear.
Our minds are like beautiful gardens, and if we don’t remove weeds regularly from them, they will grow into bushes. That’s why taking breaks and thinking about your relationships is necessary. Declutter your mind from every negative thought and care about your friends, family, and the people you love.
Keep your mind calm, and don’t react to situations quickly. Overthinking often makes you unable to make positive decisions because of the consistent negative influence. So, you should keep that in mind and make decisions calmly. Now, let’s dive deep into the strategies which can help you overcome overthinking and ruining your relationships.
Acknowledge Your Overthinking
Knowing your bad habits is the first step toward being a good human being. Reflect on the negative change that overthinking has made in your relationships and commit to change. Realization of a mistake is the crucial step in correcting your error. Own your overthinking habit and commit to changing it because it can ruin your relationships.
Stop Expecting Too Much
Understanding that no one is perfect and expecting perfectionism can lead to disappointment and unnecessary overthinking. Appreciate other people and make efforts for them to create a deep relationship. Don’t complain about unnecessary things because humans are imperfect.
Communicate With Others Before Jumping To Any Conclusion
Try to communicate openly and honestly before reaching any conclusion about others. When you overthink, emotions get the better of you sometimes, and you might take actions you regret later. So, instead of being suspicious and jumping to any conclusion, first, talk to others and listen to them.
Build Self Confidence and Try To Live In The Moment
Overthinking leads to negative thoughts that lower your self-confidence. So, try to gain confidence in your abilities and don’t think about what you don’t have. Be thankful for your things and people, and enjoy the present moment. Thinking about the past or worrying about the future only removes you from the loop of overthinking and anxiety.
Accept That Everyone Can’t Be Your Friends
Every person is different and has the right to choose the people they want in their lives. All your fears, suspicions, insecurities, and doubts go away when you understand this fact. Consider who can be your friend and use your energy on the right people. Love your partner and care for your family to sustain your relationships.
Take Necessary Breaks and Declutter Your Mind Regularly
Taking timely breaks in life and revising your strategy to deal with situations is essential. It would be best to reflect on the relationships affecting you due to overthinking. Free your mind from negative thoughts and engage in meaningful activities that make you feel fulfilled. Your close relations must be your priority, and take these necessary measures to strengthen them.
Don’t React Suddenly To Every Situation
Practice self-control and stop reacting impulsively to every situation. Take a step back, breathe, and give yourself some time to relax before responding. It might seem small, but you’ll know how impactful it is when you practice it. You will thank yourself for controlling yourself and not reacting suddenly. It will keep you from hurting other people’s feelings.
Are Overthinkers Hard To Love?
Yes, it’s hard to love overthinkers due to their irrational thinking that hampers the relationship. But it’s a habit like others, and overthinkers can overcome this habit and live a peaceful and fulfilling life. They can also build meaningful connections with people having matching vibes.
Loving overthinkers is also challenging because they might take the wrong meanings of your communication. They become so involved in the relationship that they get insecure and worry about the future. They always fear losing who they love and make up fake scenarios in their minds. That makes them curious and suspicious, a destructive element in any relationship.
Moreover, they indulge in arguments with their partners over minute things and jump to conclusions without communicating. They always think about adverse outcomes and seek reassurance in a relationship. You have to tell them you love them due to their insecurity repeatedly.
However, overthinkers can overcome this habit through clear communication and effective strategies. Overthinking is harmful to a relationship, and it must be eradicated. The following table shows you how a healthy relationship with an average person differs from your one with an overthinker.
|Relationship With A Normal Person||Relationship With An Overthinker|
|No Unnecessary Arguments||Unnecessary Arguments|
|Effective Communication||No clarity in communication|
|No fear or insecurity||Fear and insecurities|
|No shady or suspicious activities||Overthinkers are suspicious|
|Mutual care for each other||Selfishness in relationship|
|No need for reassurance||Reassurances are needed|
|Positive vibes and peace||No peace and negative vibes|
|Happiness in relationship||Sadness in relationship|
What Are the Signs of Overthinking In A Relationship?
Procrastination and approval-seeking are the most common flags of an overthinker. Due to all the things running through their mind, they can’t focus on a single thing enough to complete it. They also seek your approval on every issue and might get angry if you disagree with them.
The other prominent sign is that they are people pleasers. They may do things they don’t want to but think will make others happy. As a result, they get frustrated over time, leading to tension and resentment. They tend to seek perfectionism in every situation and that backfires most of the time.
Another visible sign is that they always ask “What if”. They make fake scenarios that have nothing to do with reality and consider them possible. They are never satisfied with anything and that leads to indecisiveness. Overthinkers second guess themselves and you have to make decisions for them which is frustrating.
Overthinkers have another issue that is visible to others, and that is making assumptions. They don’t communicate issues clearly with you and reach conclusions quickly. You will find it difficult to make them see things from your perspective because sometimes they lose their sense of reality.
If you are in a relationship with a person who lives in the past or future, he or she is an overthinker. They dwell on their past mistakes and often make negative and worst future scenarios that might never happen. So, look out for these signs in a relationship and if you find them, then decide how to deal with your relationship with an overthinker.
How To Date An Overthinker?
Getting better at communication and reassuring them doesn’t hurt you but it can help your relationship with an overthinker. It doesn’t mean to share everything with your partner but healthy communication is important for a better relationship. If you think that something is bothering your partner, ask him.
All an overthinker want is someone to reassure him that you still love them. You might not be great at showing your feelings and that might be the reason your overthinking partner is unsure how you feel about them. But if you tell them how much they mean to you, it will help a lot.
Overthinkers jump to conclusions quickly so don’t say anything you don’t mean to say. They find meaning in every word that comes out of your mouth so be careful about what you say. If you said something as a joke, you have to make it clear just to be safe.
Don’t tell an overthinker all the time to stop overthinking. One reason is that it becomes redundant and is frustrating for your partner to be tagged as an overthinker. Another reason is that they might think you are dodging the conversation. So, listen to them carefully and care for them. Actions speak louder than words and that’s your reassurance for them about how much you love them.
Overthinking is a powerful and destructive force that ruins your relationships. But the good news is that you can manage to overthink by following practical and helpful strategies. You can eradicate the habit of overthinking and restore trust, harmony, and happiness in your relationships. So, break free from overthinking and live a happy life with your loved ones.