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Why Are Narcissists So Cruel After Discarding?

Narcissists often discard people they are in relationships with when they no longer serve a purpose.

Narcissistic personality disorder involves a lot of painful narcissistic personality traits that profoundly affect the narcissist and the people in their lives. One of these characteristics is the tendency to discard people from their lives whenever they feel like it.

There are various reasons a narcissist may cut somebody out of their life. A narcissistic individual seeks to establish superiority over others, constantly desiring to be the focal point of attention and recognition. You are no longer needed if you don’t contribute to this meaningfully and are open to being discarded.

In this article, we will delve into the topic of narcissists and their willingness to discard others.

Why Are Narcissists So Cruel After Discarding?

This is because they see their victims as objects, not people. Narcissistic individuals use people to boost their self-esteem, often because they lacked parental affection in childhood. They view others as disposable objects once they no longer serve their selfish needs.

Narcissists often display cruelty and hurtful behavior towards others after discarding them due to various underlying factors. Understanding these factors can shed light on their motivations and actions, helping you better understand how to deal with this behavior.

Narcissists possess an exaggerated belief in their superiority and entitlement, which leads them to devalue and dismiss the feelings, needs, and worth of others. They view themselves as the center of the universe, expecting unwavering admiration and compliance from those around them. When someone no longer serves their purposes or fails to meet their expectations, narcissists can easily discard them without remorse or consideration for the emotional consequences.

Additionally, discarding someone can trigger feelings of insecurity and vulnerability in narcissists. They perceive the act as rejecting their control and dominance, threatening their carefully constructed facade of grandiosity. They may experience intense anger, resentment, or even desire revenge. Their cruelty towards the discarded person reinforces their perceived power and superiority, allowing them to regain control over the situation and maintain their inflated self-image.

Furthermore, narcissists may also engage in cruel behavior as a defense mechanism. Facing the reality of their flaws and shortcomings is incredibly challenging for them. Instead of introspection and self-improvement, they deflect blame onto others and project their insecurities onto their victims. By subjecting others to cruelty, they can maintain a distorted self-perception and avoid confronting their deep-seated insecurities and fears.

It is essential to note that not all narcissists exhibit the same degree of cruelty, and individual experiences may vary. However, the underlying characteristics of narcissism, such as a lack of empathy, an excessive need for admiration, and a constant thirst for control and dominance, can contribute to their inclination towards cruel behavior after discarding others.

How Do Narcissists Feel After Discarding?

They feel great. In general, when a narcissist is the one who initiates the discard, they tend to experience feelings of power, superiority, and dominance. This stems from their belief in their grandiosity and satisfaction from asserting control over others.

Narcissists harbor feelings of weakness, undesirability, worthlessness, inadequacy, and a lack of self-love. They could address these emotions through healthier means like therapy if they possessed adequate emotional intelligence. However, lacking these skills, they often resort to projection as a defense mechanism.

Narcissistic projection is a psychological defense mechanism frequently observed in individuals with a narcissistic personality disorder. It involves projecting undesirable traits, emotions, or beliefs onto others. Narcissists assign their shortcomings or negative qualities to someone else, typically to evade accountability or uphold their self-perception.

Discarding is a common abusive tactic narcissists use, further validating their inflated self-importance. When they discard you, they essentially reinforce their belief that they are superior and you lack value and worth. This validation of their grandiose self-importance contributes to their feelings of power, superiority, and dominance.

Another reason discarding empowers narcissists is that witnessing your pain reinforces their grandiose self-importance. They can maintain the belief that they are strong and superior while perceiving you as weak and unworthy.

why-do-narcissists-discard? | vimprovement.com

How Do Narcissists Feel After Being Discarded?

Narcissists often experience feelings of rejection, humiliation, and abandonment after being discarded by you. This is because they have deep-rooted painful thoughts, emotions, and feelings that are suppressed within themselves, which flare up when faced with rejection.

During childhood, narcissists often lack the attention they need from their caregivers, hindering their healthy self-development. The neglect from their primary caregivers created negative beliefs about themselves, leading to difficulties in managing their self-loathing due to underdeveloped emotional skills.

To fill the emotional void, narcissists learned to mimic society to get the validation they lacked from caregivers. They created a false charming and confident identity to seek admiration from others. However, relying on this facade made them emotionally unstable and unable to express their true selves.

This reliance on external validation creates fragility for narcissists, who are dependent on continuous narcissistic supply, which refers to the attention, admiration, and validation they receive from others. After discarding a narcissist and ending the relationship, you cut off their main source of narcissistic supply, causing their false identity to crumble.

The narcissist’s painful thoughts, emotions, and feelings resurface, leaving them empty. The loss of validation triggers their sense of rejection, humiliation, and abandonment, which can lead to many negative behaviors

Why do narcissists discard?

Narcissists end relationships and discard people due to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) traits, making it difficult to maintain healthy long-term relationships. Relationships with a narcissist tend to follow the same narcissistic abuse cycle of idealization, devaluation and discarding.

In the idealization stage, Narcissists often employ charm and flattery. They shower their partner with gifts, compliments, and intense affection, creating an illusion of a deep and destined connection. This can appeal to somebody who doesn’t see past the narcissist’s tricks.

During the devaluation stage, the narcissist gradually undermines and devalues their target using tactics like passive-aggressiveness, backhanded compliments, subtle criticism, and gaslighting techniques. The goal is to make the person feel insecure and question their sanity.

The discard stage can unfold in various ways. The narcissist may abruptly and harshly reject you, considering you no longer useful to them. Alternatively, you might come to the realization that the person, whether a partner, friend, employer, or acquaintance, is unhealthy for you and attempt to leave. In response, the narcissist may revert to love bombing, restarting the cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discarding until you break free from the pattern.

Here are some of the NPD traits that contribute to the narcissist’s tendency to discard people at will:

  • Impulsivity

Narcissists’ impulsivity often results in hasty decisions that harm significant relationships. For example, in romantic relationships, the impulsivity of a narcissist will often make them cheat without considering the consequences of their behavior.

  • Neediness

Narcissists rely on others for validation, but their excessive needs often surpass what others can fulfill, triggering the discard phase. For example, the narcissist may constantly need you to tell them they are amazing; when you don’t, they get upset. This can be exhausting for the other individual who has to provide the validation.

  • Short attention spans

Due to their short attention span, narcissists can rapidly lose interest and become bored in relationships, particularly when captivated by someone else. For example, the narcissist may be quick to entertain the idea of a new supply just because they are bored and need a fix.

  • Poor emotion regulation

Narcissists often struggle with anger outbursts (narcissistic rage), leading to impulsive decisions to end relationships when upset or angry. For example, if a narcissist feels like their ego is being attacked, they may go into a frenzy; anything they see as a threat to their fragile ego is terrifying and can cause a major reaction.

  • Hypersensitivity

Individuals with NPD are overly sensitive to slight criticism, often overreacting to others’ words or actions, sometimes resulting in the termination of relationships over minor issues. For example, constructive criticism is healthy and encourages growth. To a narcissist, all criticism is the same; it puts pressure on their facade.

  • Narcissistic collapse

When their grandiose ego is threatened, or they feel insecure, narcissists may experience a collapse, leading to defensive behavior, lashing out, or even ending relationships. For example, someone who takes pride in their financial status loses their money, threatening their fragile self-worth; this can lead to uncharacteristic behaviors.

  • Relentless expectations

Narcissists have high demands and unrealistic expectations in relationships, becoming enraged when others fail to meet these standards. For example, the narcissist may expect you to support their grandiose fantasies fully; if you don’t, they feel like you are not supporting them.

  • Superiority complex

The narcissist’s sense of superiority can cause them to belittle and judge others, leading them to end relationships when they believe they can find someone better. For example, if the narcissist got into a romantic relationship to elevate their social status but now thinks they are too good for you, they will look for somebody else.

  • Lack of empathy

Narcissists often disregard the feelings and needs of others, making it easier for them to discard people during breakups. For example, they can discard someone and immediately move on to their next target; they will only care about you if they want something from you.

  • Lack of accountability

Many narcissists are unwilling to admit their mistakes or apologize, which may prompt them to end relationships where accountability is expected. For example, the narcissist may have done something terrible, causing you to end the friendship, the narcissist will then try to convince everyone you are in the wrong, and they are the victim.

  • Shame

Contrary to pride, it is shame that drives narcissists. Their secret feelings of inadequacy may explain their tendency to end relationships when they feel exposed, insecure, or burdened by narcissistic injury. For example, you may have started to see behind their mask, threatening their facade.

All these traits that narcissists like to possess can cause great trouble for the individual struggling with a narcissistic personality disorder. You can only avoid the consequences of your actions for so long before they start to catch up with you. Let’s explore how a narcissist feels after they discard somebody.

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Will A Narcissist Come Back After Discarding You?

Yes, they want to maintain control over you for as long as possible, even after discarding. In most cases, narcissists will return after discarding you. However, it’s important to understand that their return is not driven by love, care, or genuine longing for you.

Just like somebody with a substance use disorder may have a hidden stash put away for a rainy day, a narcissist may want to keep a source of supply around in case they need to return to it one day. It provides a sense of security to a narcissist.

Here are some reasons a narcissist may come back after discarding you:

They Need More Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists constantly seek validation and control from others, known as a narcissistic supply. They abuse and manipulate individuals who provide them with this supply. If they can’t find it elsewhere, they may try to reconnect with those they previously discarded to get more supply. 

They Want To Know What You’re Doing

Narcissists want to maintain control over the people they abuse, even after discarding them. They often try to keep tabs on their victims to gather information and assert power. For example, if you plan to move, they may find out and attempt to reconnect to maintain control. Protecting yourself and establishing boundaries to break free from their influence is important. Our healing platform provides resources and guidance to help you regain control and privacy.

They Want To Affect How Others See You

Narcissists fear being exposed, so they control how others see their victims. They use “flying monkeys” to spread lies and gossip, creating a distorted narrative that protects their public image. This manipulation of perception is why narcissists may come back after discarding someone.

They Can’t Let You Move On

Narcissists can’t handle the thought of you moving on and finding someone better. They may come back after discarding you to prevent you from moving on, sabotaging your progress or relationships. They don’t want to lose a supply source they may need in the future.

They Get Jealous

Narcissists are possessive and jealous. They see you as their possession and may return to your life if they feel replaced or jealous. Dealing with their possessiveness and jealousy can be draining. Our healing platform offers support, resources, and guidance to help you navigate these challenges.

They Fear Being Abandoned

Narcissists fear abandonment and may try to come back into your life after discarding you if they haven’t found a new source of validation. The fear is triggered when they lack the attention and admiration they crave.

Essentially, the narcissist doesn’t want anybody else to have what they can’t, so losing a supply source forever is intimidating. They may give you just enough to keep the possibility of returning to you open while simultaneously going after new sources of narcissistic supply.

Why Does The Narcissist Discard Hurt So Much?

They make you dependent on them. A relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies can distort your reality and neglect your needs. Losing the person who defined your identity and self-worth can be traumatic when they discard you. You grow to need them as much as they need you.

The narcissist’s discard is incredibly painful for several reasons. Firstly, it shatters the illusions and promises created during the idealization phase, leaving you feeling betrayed and deceived. Secondly, it deeply undermines your self-esteem and self-worth, making you question your value and desirability. Thirdly, the sudden withdrawal of attention and validation creates a profound sense of loss and abandonment.

Moreover, the lack of closure and unresolved emotions make it challenging to move forward. Ultimately, the narcissist’s discard hurts so much due to the loss of the relationship and the psychological damage caused by their manipulation and disregard for your well-being.

why-do-narcissists-discard? | vimprovement.com


In conclusion, narcissists’ willingness to discard people stems from their deep-rooted need for control, validation, and superiority. When someone no longer serves their purposes or fails to meet their expectations, narcissists can easily discard them without remorse or consideration for the emotional consequences.

After discarding someone, narcissists often experience feelings of power, superiority, and dominance. Their low emotional intelligence makes it difficult for them to handle their own painful thoughts, emotions, and feelings effectively. Discarding others reinforces their grandiose self-importance and allows them to deflect their insecurities onto their victims.

On the other hand, when narcissists themselves are discarded, they may feel rejection, humiliation, and abandonment. Their deep-rooted negative beliefs about themselves, stemming from childhood experiences, resurface when they lose their main source of validation. The loss of control and the exposure of their insecurities trigger intense emotional reactions.

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic discarding and its impact on the narcissist and the discarded person is crucial for healing and setting boundaries. Breaking free from the cycle of abuse and reclaiming one’s self-worth is essential for moving towards healthier relationships and personal growth.

Suppose you have been affected by a narcissist’s discard. In that case, it is recommended to seek support from mental health professionals or support groups who can guide and assist in navigating the healing process. Remember, you deserve to be in relationships based on respect, empathy, and genuine care.

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